I ran across a story in the Washington Post this morning that is easily the most disgusting article I’ve come across in quite some time and it, to me, completely illustrates how we are doomed as a nation. Here’s the headline, “The Silicon Valley elite’s latest status symbol: Chickens”.
It seems the “tech elite” as they are called in the article are spending gobs of money on raising chickens. That by itself is not a problem. With the culture in California, and with the Millennial Generation, surrounding locally sourced everything this would make some sense and I really don’t have a problem with people wanting to raise their own chickens. Whatever floats their boat.
The problem is that they are spending ridiculous amounts of time and money and wasting human emotion and compassion on Chickens! Here’s an example:
In true Silicon Valley fashion, chicken owners approach their birds as any savvy venture capitalist might: By throwing lots of money at a promising flock (spending as much as $20,000 for high-tech coops). By charting their productivity (number and color of eggs). And by finding new ways to optimize their birds’ happiness — as well as their own.
And another example:
Instead of cobbling together a plywood coop with materials from the local hardware store, the rare birds of Silicon Valley are hiring contractors to build $20,000 coops using reclaimed materials or pricey redwood that matches their human homes. Others opt for a Williams-Sonoma coop — chemical free and made from sustainable red pine — that has been called the “Range Rover of chicken cribs.” Coops are also outfitted with solar panels, automated doors and electrical lighting — as well as video cameras that allow owners to check on their beloved birds remotely.
One knuckle head, Moira Hanes who is a Berkeley professor, registered her, “one-eyed special needs rooster, Gwennie, as an emotional support animal.” What the fuck!?! This person is teaching people? Her stupid chicken has a “cross beak disability” and she feeds him fucking baby food mixed with grain.
He also gets a weekly bath and a blow dry — “which he LOVES,”
There’s even a cottage industry for chicken consultants that are charging upwards of $225.00 per hour. One consultant said one of her clients has a personal chef for the chickens. A FUCKING PERSONAL CHEF FOR FUCKING CHICKENS!!!!
Her clients spend thousands of dollars for surgeries and X-rays to keep them alive after the chickens have been attacked by a predator or if they’ve become ill.
One person in this story openly admits that her obsession with her chickens squelched her desire for more children with her husband. She feeds her CHICKENS grilled salmon, steak, fresh lettuce, and ORGANIC watermelon. Nothing says asshole like feeding your chickens this menu.
They are also extremely bigoted:
Watching the chickens is one of the family’s favorite activities. They call it: “Hillbilly television.”
That’s what the west coast elite think of the rest of the country. These are supposed to be the smartest and most enlightened people in the country? These people are fucked.
Instead of giving a fine bottle of wine when attending dinner parties these west coast assholes are bringing a six pack of eggs instead.
Not just any eggs, but a handpicked, coffee-colored collection laid by Queen Elizabeth, Bear or one of the Van Horns’ other heritage breed chickens, inhabitants of a cozy coop on the family’s backyard deck overlooking Sutro Forest. As a final touch, each carton is stamped with the family’s specially designed seal of approval: “VH SF Eggs.”
The bigger problem here is that these dumb asses are raising children of their own too. They are poisoning a new generation of people that will think it is absolutely okay to humanize chickens. They think their compassion towards these dumb birds is something to be celebrated when they should be nothing but condemned.